Day Zero Project #34: Make organic strawberry jam.

The first thing that a person has to do before making organic strawberry jam is to track down some organic strawberries. Preferably not ones from Whole Foods that are going to set you back about $34/pound. Lucky for me, I happen to live in Florida and, extra lucky for me, it happens to be strawberry season.

With that in mind, we packed up the car and headed to Lithia, FL to a little organic farm called Fort Lonesome.

And how do I know for sure that this place grew organic strawberries? Just look at this sign. Hippies = much higher portion of organic goodness. And 300% more patchouli smell. Also, they say they are organic and they seemed like trustworthy people, so I'll go with it.

So after a quick walk through the onsite trail, we came across the strawberry fields where we'd be doing all of our work.

I picked a bunch of strawberries.

 

My wife picked a bunch of strawberries.

 

And pretty soon we had a two whole bunches of strawberries. Which is a good thing because I needed about two pounds just to make a little bit of jam and I needed another four pounds or so just to snack on during the car ride home, because they were delicious.

When we got home I set about taking all of those beautiful, red berries and destroying them through a series of steps showcasing my ineptitude in making jams. If you want to make your own jam at home, here's my secret: copy someone else. What do I know about making jam? Nothing.

But this person at RookieMag.com does, so go here and use their recipe.

Basically, clean your strawberries and throw them into your blender:

Then you turn that on and hope you have a blender strong enough to turn that into strawberry liquid. Don't drink it. It's good stuff, but then what will you make your jam with?

Take that liquid, add a whole bunch of sugar, some lemon juice and boil that FOREVER, stirring it often. And by forever, I mean 45 minutes. It seems like a really long time but put some Mouth of the Architect on your iPod and it's only like 3 songs. It'll fly by.

After that's thickened up a bit, we'll dump it into a sterilized Ball jar This liquid-ish mix is good stuff but, again, I encourage you to restrain from eating it. We are trying to make jam here and we're so close. You will end up with something that looks like this that you will refrigerate until it cools and magically turns into jam.

And what to do with this delicious concoction? It's certainly too fancy to be wasted on PB&J sandwiches. A fine jam likes this deserves a fine dessert. How about some mascarpone cheese with chocolate mint and a balsamic reduction? Yep, that'll do.

Also, ignore the advice I just gave. Is there anything better than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

No. No there isn't.

Day Zero Project #64: Make a list of 20 things I like about myself.

This was one of those goals that when I was looking through the list originally I put into the category of "Too easy, I'll just put that off and do it anytime I'm bored." And, yes, it was easy in the sense that I didn't have to buy anything and I didn't have to go anywhere, but you know what? Complimenting one's self is not the most easy thing in the world.

I quickly wrote down about 8 things that I liked about myself and then had to really struggle to come up with some stuff. Maybe I'm just harder on myself than most, but I have a feeling that most people would have a hard time with a list like this.

And that's the point, right? We should all like a million things about ourselves, not just 20. But you gotta start somewhere, I did right here. So read my 20 things if you feel like it but, more importantly, sit down and make your own list. You'll feel good about how cool you are.

My list, in no particular order, except the first one because that's pretty important.

1. I'm a good husband - At least I think I am, you'd have to ask my wife for the official results, but I feel like I do okay most of the time.

2.  I'm smart - I'm a pretty intelligent guy and I'm not humble about that at all. Sometimes I'm just a little overconfident in my smartness level, but that's part of my winning charm.

3. I can read faster than almost anyone - This is sort of a weird thing to like about myself, but this skill lets me read a ton of books, which is something I enjoy immensely.

4. Great music sense - The music I listen to is better than the music you listen to. And since I probably spend more hours listening to music than doing any other single thing except sleeping, this is a very good thing to like about myself.

5. I'm always up for a good adventure - I'm not necessarily a good adventurer, but anytime someone wants to try something crazy, I'm always down. Even if it means I'll likely die because you shouldn't let pesky things like inability to swim get in the way of a good time.

6. I'm addicted to lists - And why do I love this about myself? Half the fun stuff I do has something to do with completing a list. It's the reason I'm even typing this right now.

7. I'm incredibly dorky - Which sounds like a bad thing, but if it makes me who I am, I may as well embrace it. Who's ready to read some comic books!

8. I'm always willing to try new things - This sort of ties in with the adventure stuff up above, but 20 things is hard to come up with and it's slightly different, so I'll count it.

9. My beard growing ability - Yeah, sometimes it's a hassle to have a 5 o'clock shadow by 2pm every day, but it's a whole lot better than not being able to grow a beard. It's nice to have that ability to be a hipster if I want to. Plus my wife loves facial hair, so that works out, too.

10. Not quite Morimoto, but not bad - That's right, one of my many secret talents (outside of sarcasm) is that I am pretty good in the ole kitchen. Someday I'll quit the 9-5 grind, open a restaurant and blow everyone's mind. Or, more likely, I'll just keep cooking for me and my wife... Either one works.

11. I'm creative - Hard to quantify what that means. For me, it means coming up with crazy ideas all of the time that no one understands. Some say that means I'm odd, but I just claim it's a sign of genius.

12. I'm skinny-ish - I'm not necessarily as skinny as I'd like, but my wife says she'll leave me if I am much smaller, so I'll be good with where I am.

13. I'm not doing so bad - Compared to where I came from and how I grew up I am doing much better than I ever would have expected I would as a kid. First in the family to go to college, moved out, good job, happy life, etc etc.

14. I'm above-average at stupid games no one cares about - Show me a game that is best played at a tailgate or with a beer in hand and I'm better than most.

15. I'm funny-ish - At least to myself. Which is the important part.

16. I'm a pretty fun uncle - I get to see all of my neices and nephews about 1/100 of the time that I wish that I could (half a country's worth of distance will do that), but when I am around I think I can put in a claim for coolest uncle.

17. I barely watch TV - See my above posts about reading and music and adventures and lists and all that. I don't own a TV and we barely watch any on the computer, which is good because there's a whole lot of things that need to get done in a very short time while we are on this planet.

18. I'm absolutely horrible at pop culture trivia - Seriously, don't watch TV for a while, don't read any news and see what happens. I just figured out who Justin Beiber was like 3 months ago and I'm still not sure that I could pick someone like Drake out if I passed him on the street. And this is a great thing, unless I'm on your team for bar trivia. Then I'm useless.

19. I'm ultra-competitive - I hate losing, which is a bit of a problem because I'm not very good at most things. But you can be pretty sure that I'm going to try harder to do well at anything because losing is the worst. Seriously... I never want to lose at anything again.

20. As I grow older I seem to appreciate my neighborhood - Doing things "local" is a big buzz word amongst hipsters and socially consiouse suburbanites, but many people don't do much about that. Myself included, but over the past few years of living in a more urban area we've been able to support the same small businesses regularly and it's really raised awareness of the importance of supporting your neighborhood businesses. Or, more importantly, come to my neighborhood (Downtown St. Pete) and support those businesses!

Day Zero Project #41: Kiss someone at midnight on New Year's.

Me and Katie have a tradition for New Year's Eve. And that tradition is to fall asleep long before the ball ever drops. This particular custom wasn't intentional, but more a product of the fact that we really like sleeping and we really dislike rowdy crowds. So it's always just worked out that we probably haven't kissed to ring in a New Year for quite a few years.

But, alas, this year we found ourselves in a cabin up in the mountains of Asheville with friends counting down from 10 as a big crystal ball dropped on TV. Not only were we awake enough to kiss, we also had champagne and countdowns and Miley Cyrus on the TV just like a good American should.

I don't have a picture of this kiss as "selfies" are not something that I'm into and I think it kills the mood to tell someone to "Hold that kiss," while you reach for your phone to take a picture.

But, trust me, it happened. And it was cool because it happened in this place:

Day Zero Project #90: Take a picture with Santa.

I didn't really have the nerve or patience to wait in line at the mall to sit on the lap of a real Santa, so I was more than happy when we stumbled upon this guy while walking around Savannah.

Day Zero Project #26: Build a gingerbread house.

One would think that at some point during my 33 years on this planet I would have already built a gingerbread house. Perhaps as a child my family would have gathered around at Christmas and bonded over edible arts and crafts? Nope. There was a time when me and my wife decided we needed to invent traditions and one of them was going to be building a gingerbread house on my birthday (mid-December). We never even got around to do that once.

But, alas, this task showed up on my list of tasks to accomplish so a I purchased a gingerbread house kit in 2012 and proceeded to let it sit on my shelf for 13 months or so until this past week when I opened it up and decided to finally get it done.

In my head I had visions of making the most awesome gingerbread house of all time. It was going to make the ones on the box look like amateur hour. But here's the thing that no one tells you: making a gingerbread house is hard. Really hard. I don't know how to decorate at all. I don't even know how to line up the gingerbread so I have a house that is straight. But that's ok, I finally finished this after at least 10 years of talking about making one.

Gingerbread design is messy.

And I'm glad that we never decided to go through with our planned tradition because now that I've made one gingerbread house I can honestly say that I never want to do it again!

My house, complete with gingerbread cornhole set.

Day Zero Project #60: Write a list of guidelines to live by.

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something" - Thomas Edison

And that quote right there says why I shouldn't even be writing this list at all. I'm not entirely sure that a person should have a set of guidelines that they live by. I think each of us should do the things that make us, and the ones around us, the most happy. What works for me, might not work for you.

But, alas, it's on my list and I should do it. So here goes...

Spend way more time reading books than watching TV. But do watch some TV. Otherwise you sound like a weird hippie, hermit who is out of touch with pop culture when you are sitting around with your friends and have no clue what anyone is talking about.

Listen to music every day. And spend some time in silence, too.

Be a good person. But be bad, too. Because sometimes being bad is just more fun. Obviously don't hurt anyone or anything. I mean it more in the sense of stay out way too late with friends drinking delicious craft beers. Or spending just a little bit more than you should on vacation. Or cheating at Monopoly in order to finish the game quicker because Monopoly takes too long and is the worst game ever invented.

Treat others how you want to be treated. Just be nice to everyone.

Hang out with friends and family as much as possible. Leaving just a little bit o' time to spend on your own, too. A little bit of alone time is a good thing. A lot of alone time makes you crazy.

Never, ever, ever sleep in a separate bed than your partner if you are both in the same house. On a business trip without my wife, fine. But just because you are upset with someone, or they snore loudly, is no reason to not be in there. Also, do not have a TV in your bedroom. Someone's quote is better than mine here: "The experts agree you should only be doing two things in your bedroom: sleeping and having sex. Bills, kids, computers, TVs ... they're all kryptonite for healthy sleep and definitely for your sex life."

Along the same lines of "Married Couple Advice": Never, ever, ever go to the bathroom in front of your partner. It's weird. Seriously. I've been with my wife for 15 years and I have never once seen her go to the bathroom. I can't 100% confirm that she even does and that's okay with me.

Get outside your comfort zone from time-to-time. That's why I even do these lists. Growing up can get a bit lame. Work, go home, eat dinner, watch some TV, sleep, repeat. That's not ideal, so go ahead and mix it up a bit!

Whatever you are into, be into it. Let's say you collect stamps. That's pretty dorky in my books, but who cares!? You like stamps, be the best darn stamp collector you can be.

Support your community. The world has enough Olive Garden's and Outback's. We both know that their food there is average at best. Go eat at a local restaurant. They'll appreciate it. The food is about 90% sure to be better. Go shop at your farmer's market. Go buy a shirt at your neighborhood boutique so that you don't have the same shirt as 800,000 other people who went to Target that week. I once went a whole year without eating at a chain restaurant. Surely every one else can skip it once a week!

And mostly, Just do whatever it is that makes you happy. It's a cliche to say it, but life is too short to do anything different. Unless you believe in Heaven, then you can be happy forever, I guess. But it's a different kind of happy up there because they don't have ice cream. So, be happy while you are here, and definitely eat as much ice cream as you can.

Day Zero Project #88: Find a poem that means something to me.

I don't like poetry. No offense, poetry. You're just not my style. I love reading but never once have I thought to myself, "Hey, I'd like to read a whole book of poetry tonight."

Perhaps I haven't given poetry a fair try. But I'm old and set in my ways now, so the days of learning to like poetry are most likely far behind me.

Due to my indifference towards the genre, I don't think that there is a poem that means something to me. And rather than just pick something randomly that sounds cool, I went with the next best thing: song lyrics that I love. After all, song lyrics could be considered a form of poetry, right?

And rather than just pick one. I did three. Because I'm multi-faceted. I have "Nerdy" by Poison the Well, which is me and my wife's song. I have "Rise Up, Rise Up" by Cursive, because that song (the whole album really) is exactly what it's like growing up in Nebraska. And, finally, I have "I See Everything" by La Dispute, because it's an important song and it makes me cry.

Poison The Well "Nerdy"

Why do your eyes paralyze me?
What makes me feel this way?
Carry me away with silence and heartbeats as rapid

Thinking about your embrace
And how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever

Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given chance to fly?
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone?
Why have I been given chance to fly, away?

I remember your face imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful as the sounds of waves
Crashing against my heart

Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this, infatuated with you
I remember your face imprinted on angels

It's so hard for me to understand
Why I hadn't found you before?
Hold my hand

 

Cursive "Rise Up, Rise Up"

Dear preacher, thanks for making time for me today
Hope you don't mind if I hide behind the curtain
It's been fifteen years since my last confession
By your good book's standards, I've sinned like a champion
But that book seems a tad bit out-dated

Please forgive me, for questioning divinity
It's an ugly job, but I think I'm up for it
I'm not saying who's right
I'm just saying there's more than one way
To skin a religion
There's more than one way
To explain our existence

Reverend, sir, I don't want to seem malevolent
My teenage angst is far behind me
But father, certainly it's troubling to see
All these people kneeling, instead of dealing
With the fact that we are all we have

So, rise up! rise up!
There's no one to worship!
But plenty of life to lose!
I'm not saying "let's burn down the church"
But do you want to hear my confession?
It's my greatest sin..

Okay, here it is:
I wasted half my life on the thought that I'd live forever!
I wasn't raised, to seize the day, but to work and worship
'cause "he that liveth and believeth" supposedly never dies

Rise up! rise up!
And live a full life!
'cause when it's over, it's done
So rise up! rise up!
Dance and scream and love!

 

La Dispute "I See Everything"

Like any morning of my junior year I stumble in the classroom late but this day I see
Faces, I feel an air like a funeral, like a wake, as I sit down.
My teacher speaking, somewhat somberly, but still confident and calm.
Part eulogy, her speech, and part poem, part celebration song.
Her warmth and smile, she passes photocopies out to us of entries from a journal
Kept so long ago. She starts to read and suddenly it’s 1980.

March 5-The cancer is furious but our son is resilient,
we have all the faith we’ll get through this no matter what the end.
Treatments are violent but he keeps on smiling.
It’s amazing finding joy in the little things.

April 12-Andrew’s appetites improved and we thank God everyday.
But still it’s hard sometimes to see him in that scarecrow frame.

July 9-There’s a suffering when I look in his eyes. He’s been through so much.
We’ve all been through so much but what incredible resolve our little boy shows,
only 7, standing face to face with death.
He said it’s easy to find people who have suffered worse than him.
“Like Jesus, suffered worse than anyone,” he told me last night, “when God abandoned him.”

September 20-We’ve been playing in the yard lately and spirits are high
although his blood counts aren’t.

October 14-He feels tired all the time.

November 30-At the hospital again. It feels like home when we’re here.

December 8-He’s getting worse.

January 19-We buried our son today, our youngest child,
and while his death was ugly we must not let it scare us from God.
Abundant grace has restored him. A brand new body.
And set him free from the torture, finally rid of the cancer.
Before the moment he left he briefly wrested from death, suddenly opened his eyes, said,
“I SEE EVERYTHING. I SEE EVERYTHING.”

And I will never forget it, the peace and the comfort you displayed through a pain
that I can only imagine. The loss of a child to the torture of cancer. Help me.
Because I can only imagine how you recovered,
kept your faith and held the brightness of life inside the smile of a child you had to bury.
And I will never forget him or your steadfast faith.
No, I will never forget you. Now six or seven years later, I’m devoid of all faith.
I am empty of comfort and I am weary of waiting.
Though I’ve felt nowhere what you have, I see nothing at all.
Though I’ve felt nowhere what he did, my eyes are closed.