Monday, June 25, 2012

Day Zero Project #25: Put Together an Emergency Food Kit

Oh no! The world is ending. Nuclear fallout has crippled the Nation's infrastructure, naked zombies on bath salts are everywhere and I'm stuck in my townhouse patiently awaiting the Marines who are sure to swoop in and give me one of the 200 precious spots aboard a space vessel that will start a new colony on Venus.

But wait... the Marines won't be here for 3 days? In the past, I may have starved to death, but not anymore because I just checked off goal #25: Put Together an Emergency Food Kit. And what's in that kit?

1: 6 pack of Yuengling Light - I have three days of waiting in the dark while a mushroom cloud hangs out above the Bay and zombies are running around my street, I'm probably going to want that beer. I don't care if it's warm and flat. I'm going to want that beer. Now that I think about it, I'm going to pack some bourbon, as well.

2: Packets of Pink Salmon and cans of tuna- I love this stuff. You can eat it raw, it has protein. What's not to like.

3: Progresso Frijoles and Jalapeno soup - I picked this one because out of all the soups in our cupboard it was the one that sounded least likely to be disgusting cold.

4: Green Beans - My mom says that I have to eat my veggies. I don't think that the apocalypse is any reason to start questioning my mother.

5: Cat Food - My cat has to eat. You didn't think I'd only save myself, right?

6: Vienna Sausages - These are disgusting. I wouldn't eat them if you paid me. But, my best friends are the people most likely to be at my house when this whole End of the World thing pops off, and I want to make sure that I have something that they like.

7: Funyuns - Yes, these are probably going to go stale, but I don't think I've ever gone three whole days without Funyuns. I don't even want to know what it might be like if I didn't have these little delicious onion-flavored Os.

8: Peanut Butter (specifically Jif) - If there are only 3 days left on Earth, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that my wife is going to no longer care about watching her weight and is going to want to dive head first into a giant jar of peanut butter. When I bust this bad boy out, I'm gonna be her knight in shining armor!

9: - Various candy - See #8.

P.S. Admittedly, I did not take this goal as serious as the person who had this on their list would expect me to. If I ever run out of food, I will die. I'm not nearly Chuck Norris enough to make it in a world without luxuries. But if you really want to stock up, go here and buy this. It will cover all your food needs.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Day Zero Project #10: Read A Graphic Novel

If you've met me and my wife before, odds are you've probably said, "How did that dorky guy get that girl? He must be rich."

To this, I'd respond as such: One, I'm not rich, we started dating in high school. I was smarter then and she probably assumed I would some day make tons of money. By the time she figured out that I'm lazy and unmotivated, it was too late. Two, and this surprises most, she is a much bigger dork than I am. She visits the comic book store every single week and when it came time to accomplish Day Zero Project #10: "Read a Graphic Novel" I had to venture no further than our bookshelf, which she has somehow managed to fill with billions* of comic books.

I randomly selected a graphic novel called Area 10 to read. It's an okay book about a detective and some weird crimes. I thought it best to sum it up with a few images that depict the action contained within its many panels. Due to copyright issues, I've decided to re-enact these panels with my wife rather than stealing them directly from the book.

First, there was some shooting.

And then a guy drilled a hole into his head.

Which reminds me, I should really be watching Pi.

*When I say billions, I mean dozens. But when the graphic novels outnumber the Hubert Selby, Jr. books, you have a problem with your personal library.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Day Zero Project #1: Make My Own Bread

With a high level of excitement that came as a result of starting a new project, I rolled up the sleeves of my work shirt, tied on an apron and set about project number one: making my own bread.

Not exactly a glamorous start to a list of projects, but I let my mind wander with thoughts of my wife coming home to a house smelling of fresh baked bread and wow-ing her with the most delicious combination of yeast and flour that she has ever tasted.

"Wow, baby. I had a horrible day today. Work sucked, my knees are killing me, but this bread here, it just makes everything OK," she'd say, cutting herself another slice.

With these illusions of grandeur filling my head, I took a look at the recipe and thought to myself, "Recipes are just guidelines, right? What does Betty Crocker know about cooking? Not only will I bake this bread, I will improve upon it!"

And that is how for my first time ever baking bread I ended up with a loaf that shared more traits with a cement brick than a baked good. It would seem that your first time baking is not the time for improvisation.

I should have known better than to even try. I like cooking, but I hate touching food. It seems that kneading is a fairly important part of the bread-making process and my technique is more "tentatively poking something gross" than Paula Dean-style culinary prowess.

But you know what? I did it. I somehow managed to make semi-edible bread. That is something to be celebrated. And how best to celebrate? A Goal #1-themed party complete with grilled cheese and peanut butter toast and bruschetta. Feel free to stop by and join the party. My wife would appreciate it if you could swing by the store and pick up some bread on your way.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Day Zero - 101 Things in 1001 Days

I was sitting around bored, surfing the Internet (likely looking at funny videos of cats with their heads stuck in boxes) and trying to work up some motivation to get outside and do things with my life when I came across someone's blog that mentioned a Day Zero list. Intrigued, I clicked the link and a list-lovers dream site came up on my monitor.

The basic premise is that people come up with 101 goals that they put into a list and and try to get them done in 1001 days. I'm much too lazy to have 101 goals of my own, so I did the next best thing: stole other people's. In addition to curing my own laziness, this thievery allows me to do some things that are a bit outside my comfort level and, hopefully, will teach me some new things.

The site has an Idea Finder function and I went through it taking each and every idea that came up with the exceptions of trips to far away places and things that I knew I would have a 0% chance of liking (why would anyone have  goal of getting their eyebrows waxed? If that's what you want to do, just do it). This tactic lead to some interesting choices such as "Go on a helicopter ride" and "Taking a Picture With Santa", along with some boring ones like "Complete a 1,000 piece puzzle" and "Bake Bread".

Keep reading for a good idea of how we spent the last year or so and hopefully you have as much fun reading about it as we did actually doing it!