Monday, June 25, 2012

Day Zero Project #25: Put Together an Emergency Food Kit

Oh no! The world is ending. Nuclear fallout has crippled the Nation's infrastructure, naked zombies on bath salts are everywhere and I'm stuck in my townhouse patiently awaiting the Marines who are sure to swoop in and give me one of the 200 precious spots aboard a space vessel that will start a new colony on Venus.

But wait... the Marines won't be here for 3 days? In the past, I may have starved to death, but not anymore because I just checked off goal #25: Put Together an Emergency Food Kit. And what's in that kit?

1: 6 pack of Yuengling Light - I have three days of waiting in the dark while a mushroom cloud hangs out above the Bay and zombies are running around my street, I'm probably going to want that beer. I don't care if it's warm and flat. I'm going to want that beer. Now that I think about it, I'm going to pack some bourbon, as well.

2: Packets of Pink Salmon and cans of tuna- I love this stuff. You can eat it raw, it has protein. What's not to like.

3: Progresso Frijoles and Jalapeno soup - I picked this one because out of all the soups in our cupboard it was the one that sounded least likely to be disgusting cold.

4: Green Beans - My mom says that I have to eat my veggies. I don't think that the apocalypse is any reason to start questioning my mother.

5: Cat Food - My cat has to eat. You didn't think I'd only save myself, right?

6: Vienna Sausages - These are disgusting. I wouldn't eat them if you paid me. But, my best friends are the people most likely to be at my house when this whole End of the World thing pops off, and I want to make sure that I have something that they like.

7: Funyuns - Yes, these are probably going to go stale, but I don't think I've ever gone three whole days without Funyuns. I don't even want to know what it might be like if I didn't have these little delicious onion-flavored Os.

8: Peanut Butter (specifically Jif) - If there are only 3 days left on Earth, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that my wife is going to no longer care about watching her weight and is going to want to dive head first into a giant jar of peanut butter. When I bust this bad boy out, I'm gonna be her knight in shining armor!

9: - Various candy - See #8.

P.S. Admittedly, I did not take this goal as serious as the person who had this on their list would expect me to. If I ever run out of food, I will die. I'm not nearly Chuck Norris enough to make it in a world without luxuries. But if you really want to stock up, go here and buy this. It will cover all your food needs.

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